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| That was pretty much the last of the last yearly activities I'll ever do again, aside from graduation. Senior year...
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| So... Serteens makes me feel everything
Band makes me feel nothing
And Leadership... Can kiss my ass!
JK.... But not really... maybe just a little.
Ok... soooooo.... I love you peace out
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| So, I used to think that I've been getting meaner, and more moody, the older I get. I mean I remember always being positive, and happy, and friendly, and nice. And now, I don't. But, I'm beginning to realize, that Maybe I wasn't nicer when I was younger... I was just a dumbass. I was nice, because I didn't know any better. But I figure... I still don't know bettter, so I should be happier, and nicer... and, I guess so it shall be done.
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| So, I'm beginning to see how lame the world is. I don't want to take away from the unexpected deaths of the children in Virginia, or any death that occurs in america, or to american civilians, but why does it seem that so many other deaths don't mean as much. The deaths that happen in somalia, in uganda, those children being murdered, and raped, why are those trageties not talked about. Is it because they need to live with those risks everyday, because they have to deal with those risks everyday, it's somehow not as schoking as unsuspecting student in the US.
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| I remember last year. After parade of bands. How everyone was so excited. How our own band members stood up and cheered for ourselves. I mean, I was pretty excited myself, but honestly... I didn't think my emotions were as high as others.
This Thrusday, we had our final concert.
It was about 4:00, when I leave saneishi's room and go home. I had to pick up my coat and shoes... I wanted to take a nap, but I knew if I put my head down, I wouldn't have woken up for Brad Pitt (ok... maybe I would have woken up for him... but I wouldn't have gotten out of bed) I've been having crazy headaches this week, mostly due to my lack of sleep, and lack of caffine (the band's soda machine had ran out of diet pepsi, wednesday, and I've been waking up waayyy to late to make myself a decent cup of coffee in the morning). So, at about 4:30 I start gathering my things and realize I can't find
It felt like nothing.
Which is all I really want to feel like sometimes.
Invisible. Not in a bad way, not in a way where you don't exist, but where your emotions don't exist. no happy, no sad, no mad, no love. Just music. As I got on to that stage with those people for my final time. I felt nothing. No headache from caffeine withdrawls, no stress from unfinished business. I've never felt anything playing. Nothing follows me onto that stage. I looked at the first note in toccata, and I couldn't remember what note that was, I couldn't remember the first fingering. The song we'd been working on for weeks, possibly months... and I couldn't remember anything.
I sat there. Staring at the music. Looking at that first note in toccata. Just sitting there, trying to remember the first notes fingering. But I couldn't remember. The song we'd been playing for weeks, months, and I couldn't remember what the first note was.
Nothing follows me there.
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.:[s][e][a][s][c][a][p][e]:. ~ <$UserName$>
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"I must forth again to-morrow!
With the sunset I must be
Hull down on
the trail of rapture
In the wonder of the sea."
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~etc~
.:required to sea beneath the surface: IE 5+, 1024x768 window size, & most important~ an o*p*e*n mind:.
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seascape by .:[Jessica]:.
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